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Things that change after University

Things that change after University!!!


016:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.

02Having sex in a single bed is absurd.

03You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

04Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.

05You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.

06You know all of the people sleeping in your house.

07You hear your favorite song in the lift at work.

08Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.

09The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.

10You carry an umbrella.

11Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.

12You don't go to Tesco with all your friends.

13You have standing orders and direct debits.

14The heating works in your house.

15Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.

16You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.

17You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.

18Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.

19You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

20You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.

21Washing up is not an annual ritual.

22Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

23You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.

24Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

25You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.

26You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.

27You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.

28You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls.

29You "hate scrounging students".

30You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.

31Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.

32You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.

33You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.

34You always know where you are when you wake up.

35You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.

36A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.

37You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.

38A £3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.

39You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.

40You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

41You don't have mice living in your kitchen.

42Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.

43You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka.

44You have hoovered.

45Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.

46'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again'.

47Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

48You don't experiment with banned substances.

49You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.

50You don't find a "dump" left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore.

51You no longer have a pet "Bob" the mouldy cup/plate/food item on display.

52You wash your sheets even when there are no cum stains on them.

53You are no longer woken up at 5am by the fire alarm because some piss head has tried to re-heat his Mcdonalds in the oven which is still in its carton.

54You have forgotten how to play shit head.

55The naked person in the window across the road is now fat and 60, not that little hottie your mate pulled last week.

56Your haven't had a plethora of mystery bruises in at least a month.

57Cocktails have been added to the menu - wine and vodka mix don't count.

58You miss Quincy.

59The Olympic British Curling team don't hold the same kind of fascination as they used to (remember Cathy Hayes?).

60Defecating in the street is something only dogs and tramps do now.

61"Consequences" now consist of the loss of money or a bollocking from the boss, not having to eat frozen peas dipped in marmite.

62You wonder why they don't do emergency cash in hand in real life.

63Walking is no longer an option - you have discovered ...TAXIS

64All you seem to talk about is getting fit and taking up a new form of fitness exercise.

65You have never owned so many shirts that aren't from Topshop/Topman.

66You miss student discount and realise that cinemas do actually cost quite a lot...

67You spend your life writing random pointless emails...!

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